Balloons On Sticks At Parties: Why we are all a bit cross

We walked into my birthday party
Like we were walking onto a yacht* (* song by Carly Simon)
Until we saw a ghastly sight
That made us all want to walk out:
THE BALLOONS WERE ALL TIED TO STICKS!
WHAAAT?!
Balloons: where’s all your bimbling?
You should be bobbing about
You shouldn’t be tethered to a soldierly stick
Like a lollipop - it makes me want to shout:
YOU ALL LOOK PETRIFIED. YOU’VE BEEN TIED TO THE STAKE.
LITERALLY.
Balloons should always be on the verge of escape
for every second you see them
A string is the only thin tether they need
Balloons should invite you to free them
OR POP THEM IN THE MADNESS OF UTTER PARTY GLEE.
The very point about balloons is that they bobble about
They vacillate hesitantly
The very best thing about a balloon
Is the bumbling, the nearly-free jeopardy
WE LOVE THEIR WILL-THEY-WON’T-THEY WOBBLE,
LIKE JELLYFISH IN THE OCEAN.
So who did this crime? C’mon. Fess up.
Who stopped the balloons from giggling?
Who trussed ’em like turkeys?
Who stopped them from wobbling?
- OH. HI MUM. NICE PARTY. YES, LOVELY, THANK YOU.
YEAH, I LOVE ALL THE BALLOONS -
NICE TOUCH.