Fairyland Crime Sheet
June 24
List item 345
Arrest Report
Date: 05/06/2024
First Name: Goldie
Surname: Locks
Address: A Cottage in the Woods
Occupation: Naughtiness
Identifying Marks: Porridge stains on dress and face.
Nature of Charge:
• Stealing porridge,
• Breaking chairs,
• Messing up beds,
• Annoying bears!
Arrested by: Conscience.
The suspect was caught when she came back to the scene of the crime with a tube of wood glue. This was intended to fix the baby bear's chair (the baby bear who was still crying).
This act of secondary kindness means she is able to join a support group led by Mrs Porridge Pot in Porridge Lakeford rather than serving the community service of rebuilding the various Fairyland houses destroyed by Mr B. B. Wolf.
Signed: Detective D. Slayer
Chief of Fairyland Police.
List item 345
Arrest Report
Date: 05/06/2024
First Name: Goldie
Surname: Locks
Address: A Cottage in the Woods
Occupation: Naughtiness
Identifying Marks: Porridge stains on dress and face.
Nature of Charge:
• Stealing porridge,
• Breaking chairs,
• Messing up beds,
• Annoying bears!
Arrested by: Conscience.
The suspect was caught when she came back to the scene of the crime with a tube of wood glue. This was intended to fix the baby bear's chair (the baby bear who was still crying).
This act of secondary kindness means she is able to join a support group led by Mrs Porridge Pot in Porridge Lakeford rather than serving the community service of rebuilding the various Fairyland houses destroyed by Mr B. B. Wolf.
Signed: Detective D. Slayer
Chief of Fairyland Police.
This poem is copyright (©) Laura Cooney 2025
About the Writer
Laura Cooney
Laura Cooney is a writer and spoken word poet from Edinburgh. She writes for both children and adults and is currently working on both a children’s fantasy novel and a single collection of poems for both. Her children’s work has been published most recently in Parakeet Mag, The Toy Press, Little Thoughts Press, The Dirigible Balloon, Northern Gravy and on Brian Moses Blogspot. Find more on X and Bluesky @lozzakidwriting @lozzawriting and www.lozzawriting.com. When she's not writing, she'll be found with her daughters, as close to the sea as possible, seeking shells. There will be ice-cream!
